Sunday, March 6, 2011

My Favorite Memory in Cat Tien

          Cat Tien was a trip that I can hang out with my friends, and we looked like a family .My favorite memory in Cat Tien was when I went to the crocodile lake named Bau Sau. I needed to walk for 10km, it’s about 2 hours, but it fun and I went with my friends and some teachers. After I went to the crocodile lake, I went to play some sport at the court; I played soccer and volleyball with my friends. At night, we had a campfire at the grass field. We roasted the marshmallow with the campfire. I love this field trip, I hope that the school will make more field trip like this one.
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5 comments:

  1. EdwinMarch 7, 2011 at 3:39 AM

    You some mistake but it good... 8/12

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  2. AnonymousMarch 7, 2011 at 7:41 AM

    I like how you describe the camp fire. Try to describe a specific moment, and you can do better in grammar and word choice. 8/12.

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  3. EdwinMarch 7, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    You need to change some word in the text, and care about past tense. 'Cat Tien was a trip that I can hang out with my friends,' the word can have change to could. You need change the word you use, not use a word again and again like: went, you can change to came.

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  4. AnonymousMarch 8, 2011 at 6:43 AM

    In addition, you need to read out loud to make sure that you do not have very wordy and long sentences. You also need to care about past tense and grammar mistakes such as "it was fun", not "it fun". Also, sentences like the one I mentioned above is not very specific and does not tell the reader anything. Try to describe more and as I already said, try to describe one specific moment. Try to eliminate dead words and replace them with descriptive ones.

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  5. thayaronMarch 8, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    you concentraded on telling a long priod of time in a short paragraph, that makes the paragraph not descriptive enough for the readers to see in their mind what you are doing. I just know what you did simply but have just few ideas about the background, example 'went to the crocodile lake named Bau Sau. I needed to walk for 10km, it’s about 2 hours' so where did you go through? a road? a brige 10 km? across the vilage? through what? otherwise good word choise good grammar. 9/10

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